JERRY: What's the deal with coffee tables? They're just tables...for coffee. But you put anything else on them, and suddenly it's a statement. A stack of mail? You're disorganized. A coaster? You're civilized. A coffee table book about coffee tables? You're Kramer.
SCENE 1: INT. MONK'S DINER - DAY
[Jerry, Elaine, and George are sitting in a booth.] JERRY: So, I saw this coffee table the other day...
ELAINE: Oh, please. Not another coffee table bit.
JERRY: No, no, this one was different. It had a built-in coaster. Like, the coaster was part of the table.
GEORGE: A built-in coaster? What's next, a built-in cup holder? Where does it end?
JERRY: I don't know, George. Maybe it ends with a built-in George, permanently affixed to the couch.
[Kramer slides into the booth.] KRAMER: A coffee table book! About coffee tables!
SCENE 2: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY
[Jerry is on the phone, pacing.] JERRY: No, no, it's not a joke. It's a coffee table book...about coffee tables. Yes, with pictures. Of coffee tables.
[Kramer enters, carrying a small wooden coffee table.] KRAMER: This is the prototype! See? Built-in coaster.
JERRY: Kramer, I'm on the phone with a publisher!
KRAMER: Tell them about the coaster!
JERRY: (Into phone) Yes, it also has a built-in...coaster.
SCENE 3: INT. ELAINE'S OFFICE - DAY
[Elaine is at her desk, looking exasperated.] MR. LIPPMAN: So, Elaine, what's this I hear about a coffee table book?
ELAINE: Oh, that. It's just something Kramer...
MR. LIPPMAN: Kramer? The coffee table guy? Brilliant! We need to get him in here.
ELAINE: But, Mr. Lippman, it's ridiculous. It's a book...about coffee tables.
MR. LIPPMAN: Elaine, sometimes the most ridiculous ideas are the best ideas. Think outside the box! Now, where can I find this Kramer?
SCENE 4: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
[Jerry and George are watching TV.] JERRY: So, Kramer's book is actually happening.
GEORGE: A coffee table book about coffee tables? It's insane.
JERRY: I know! And Elaine is furious. Lippman wants to publish it.
GEORGE: You know, this could be my in. I could be Kramer's coffee table consultant.
[Kramer enters, beaming, carrying a large advance check.] KRAMER: Giddyup! The coffee table book is a go!
CLOSING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)
JERRY: So, a coffee table book about coffee tables. Who knew? I guess the next big thing will be a lampshade book about lampshades. Or maybe a doorknob book about doorknobs. Actually, I kind of like that one...