35. The Stakeout

OPENING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
What's the deal with birthday parties? You're supposed to bring a gift, but no one ever tells you what the person wants. So you end up buying some generic thing they'll probably return. And then there's the cake. Why do we smash people's faces into it? Is it a celebration or a punishment?

SCENE 1: INT. MONK'S DINER - DAY

[Jerry and Elaine are sitting in a booth.]
JERRY: So, I went to this party last night... ELAINE: Oh yeah? How was it? JERRY: Terrible. Except I met this amazing woman. ELAINE: And? JERRY: And... I didn't get her number. ELAINE: So? Ask the host for it. JERRY: I can't. It's complicated.

SCENE 2: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry is pacing while Kramer reads a magazine.]
JERRY: I know where she works. I'm thinking of staking out the lobby. KRAMER: A stakeout? Like in the movies? JERRY: Yeah, I'll just casually 'bump into her'. KRAMER: You need a disguise. A trench coat and a fedora. JERRY: I'm not wearing a fedora, Kramer. KRAMER: Fine. But you'll stick out like a sore thumb.

SCENE 3: INT. OFFICE BUILDING LOBBY - DAY

[Jerry is awkwardly trying to blend in.]
GEORGE: This is ridiculous, Jerry. She's going to think you're a stalker. JERRY: I'm not a stalker. I'm romantically persistent. [The woman from the party enters.]
JERRY: It's her! Act natural. GEORGE: Hey, what are you doing here? WOMAN: Oh, hi Jerry. I work here. What are *you* doing here? JERRY: Uh... I, uh...

SCENE 4: INT. MONK'S DINER - DAY

[Jerry, Elaine, and George are in a booth.]
JERRY: So, it turns out she works there. I looked like an idiot. ELAINE: I told you it was a bad idea. GEORGE: You could have at least come up with a better excuse. JERRY: What was I supposed to say? I'm staking out your lobby hoping to run into you? ELAINE: Well, no. But you could have said you were visiting someone. GEORGE: Yeah, like 'Art Vandelay' the importer. JERRY: That's your go-to fake name, George?

CLOSING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
So, persistence. Is it romantic or creepy? I guess it depends on whether you get the number.