43. The Tarragon

OPENING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
What's the deal with tuna salad? I mean, it's fish, but it's not fish. It's mush, but it's not mush. It's like the food version of a shrug. You order it, you eat it, you kind of... shrug.

SCENE 1: INT. MONK'S DINER - DAY

[Jerry and Elaine are sitting at a booth.]
JERRY: So, I went to this new deli, right? ELAINE: Oh yeah? How was it? JERRY: Terrible. They put tarragon in the tuna salad. ELAINE: Tarragon? In tuna salad? That's criminal. JERRY: Exactly! Who does that? It's like putting ketchup on a steak. [George enters, looking flustered.]
GEORGE: You won't believe what happened to me.

SCENE 2: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry, Elaine, and George are sitting in Jerry's apartment.]
GEORGE: So, I'm at this job interview, right? And the interviewer keeps staring at my sandwich. JERRY: What kind of sandwich? GEORGE: Tuna. On rye. ELAINE: Was it tarragon tuna? GEORGE: No! It was regular tuna. But this guy, he's just fixated on it. Like it's some kind of alien artifact. [Kramer slides in.]
KRAMER: Anyone got any tarragon? I'm making a poultice.

SCENE 3: INT. DELI - DAY

[Jerry is at the deli counter.]
JERRY: I'll take a number 42, no tarragon. DELI GUY: The tarragon's what makes it! JERRY: No, the tuna makes it tuna salad. The tarragon makes it something else. DELI GUY: You don't know what you're missing. [Elaine walks in and sees George sitting at a table with the interviewer from earlier. They are both eating tuna salad.]
ELAINE: George? What's going on here? GEORGE: He offered me the job...on the condition I eat this tarragon tuna with him.

SCENE 4: INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

[Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer are in Jerry's apartment.]
GEORGE: It's a nightmare. I'm trapped in a tarragon tuna hell. JERRY: So, you took the job? GEORGE: I had to! It's a great opportunity. But the tuna... ELAINE: Maybe you'll get used to it. KRAMER: You know, tarragon's actually quite medicinal. Good for digestion. JERRY: Is that why you put it in your shoes? KRAMER: It's for my athlete's foot!

CLOSING MONOLOGUE - (INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT)

JERRY:
So, what's the opposite of tarragon? Is there an anti-tarragon? Something you can put in tuna salad to make it...normal again?